Refurbo's origin story
THE MOTION PICTURE
You will believe a man can refurbish.
Lucius Linbladian aka REFURBO
Josephine Staedtler aka Calcutron
Darius Drakendork aka The Copycat
Garth Jankins – MAR Reporter
Cameo – Deborah Doodles
A long time ago in an office far, far away (Poole)…
The year, is 2004.
Facebook has just launched, and the world is compelled to post pictures of their home-made lasagne, Destiny’s Child are losing their breath, ridiculously long necklaces are all the rage, but most intriguingly…
Local IT business owner and eco-friendly gent Lucius Linbladian takes a walk in the park with his business partner and wife/accountant Josephine Staedtler.
The sun is shining, and they both enjoy a relaxing box of sushi while discussing the complex world of IT refurbishment and its beneficial impact upon the environment.
Unbeknownst to them, but knownst to us, on this particular day, at this particular time, the planets are in a curious alignment. Sort of like that scene from 2001 but with more glowy bits.
MEANWHILE IN SPACE:
Approximately 93 million miles away, the Sun emits a curious glow, much brighter than usual, which is usually quite substantial.
Suddenly, six orbs explode from it’s centre, three green, three blue which hurtle their way towards Earth at ridiculous speeds, much faster as if you glued several gazelles together.
At the park..
Lucius: What a lovely day!
Jo: Yes, but the sun seems unusually bright..
Lucius: HAHAA, well yes, Jo, it’s the Sun, lol.
Jo: No, but I mean...wait, what does “lol” mean?
The three green orbs hit our soon to be heroes straight in the sushi, which the orbs rebound upon and the pair are bathed in an incandescent green light, which they both absorb at dizzying speeds.
Lucius: HOLY MOLEY, WHAT’S HAPPENING??!!!
Jo: GAAH! I DON’T KNOW, BUT I FEEL MY ABILITY TO CALCULATE INCREASING EXPONENTIALLY!!
Lucius: WHY ARE WE SHOUTING!!!!?!
Jo: I DON’T KNOW, POSSIBLY FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT!!!!!!?
Lucius: YEAH, FOR REAL, ODDLY ENOUGH THIS ISN’T UNPLEASANT AT ALL!!!
Coincidentally no one was about in the park to witness this epic event as they were busily uploading pictures of lasagne to Facebook. Which worked out nicely.
The drab medium-sized HQ of Macrodank, IT company.
Twenty-five-year-old office boy Darius Drakendork pushes a cart full of paperwork through a darkly lit hall full of filing cabinets. He works mostly alone as no one can stand him, which is understandable considering his excessive body odour and dour demeanour.
He dreams of success and innovative ideas but has none of his own, fate however, is about to interject…
The hall is suddenly full of an ominous purple hue. In a high-pitched squeaky voice he asks if someone is there?
COPYCAT, replies the dark with an insidious laugh.
A voice booms:
DRAKENDORK, I AM THE DARK SIDE OF THE SUN, I EMBUE THEE WITH THE THREE UNSPOKEN ORBS, MANY YEARS FROM NOW YE SHALL MEET THY NEMESIS, COPY HIM, COPYCAT, ARIIIIIIISE!!
Drakendork finds himself upon the dusty floor, he gets to his feet and looks at his hands, he is shaking, they are paws.
And then they fade to hands again.
Darius: I think I need a Bovril.
A walk in the park..
An ethereal voice encompasses them both.
LINDBLADIAN, LINDBLADIAN, BEHOLD, I AM THE LIGHT SIDE OF THE SUN, UPON THIS DAY WE BESTOW UPON THEE THE THREE GREAT GREEN ORBS OF THE EARTH, USE THEM WELL LINDBLADIAN AND STAEDTLER, FORE YOU ARE REFURBO AND CALCUTRON FOR EVER MORE, BUT BEWARE, MANY YEARS FROM NOW YOUR NEMESIS SHALL APPEAR.
FERB, Farb and furb..the three orbs lindbladian…liiiindblaaadiiaaaaan………
Jo: Ok, that was weird..
Lucius: …..fancy seeing The Incredibles?
Jo: Yeah, go on.
With every Yang there is a Ying. For every Eminem there is a Vanilla Ice. As the years past, Linbladian and Staedtler kept their powers a secret, they worked tirelessly to pioneer eco-friendly IT refurbishment whilst also enjoying contemporary dance culture and movies. Also, they realised they had several super powers and cool outfits which they could manifest at will, which is really convenient, if you think about it. But now, their nemesis rises..
LIVE FROM MAR (MULTINATIONAL AUGEMNTED REALITY) NEWS
Garth: Garth Jankins reporting LIVE for MAR, on the ground, as it happens, outside the HQ of MACRODANK. The masked vigilante known as REFURBO was seen just moments ago circling about in the night sky, like some kind of, wild banshee. His intentions, unknown. The implications, catastrophic. Some say he’s here to help, others to hinder, all this reporter knows is, if it quacks look a goose and looks like a horse, you’d better run your knackers off.
MAR will be here LIVE for the duration of this bizarre turn of events.
Now, here’s Deborah Doodles with the weather. God help us all.
CIRCLING HIGH ABOVE MACRODANK HQ
REFURBO: Calc, what’s the score?
CLOSE-UP ON HIS AUGMENTED BLUE TINTED GLASSES WHICH GIVES HIM A VIEW AKIN TO IRON-MAN’S VISOR.
CUT TO THE FURB-CAVE, CALCUTRON IS MONITORING REFURBO’S VIEWPOINT WHICH IS MULTI-LAYERED. SHE’S SURVEYING THE INTERIOR OF MACRODANK.
Calcutron: REFURBO, watch out, I’m detecting unusually high levels of poor refurbishment.
REFURBO: Let’s do this.
REFURBO DIVES HEADLONG TOWARDS MACRODANK HQ
THE UNDERGROUND CATACOOMBS OF MACRODANK
COPYCAT monitors the local news via a multi-panelled screen.
HE IS A PURPLEY HUMAN-CAT HYBRID WHO LOOKS ODDLY FEMININE.
COPYCAT: NnyNnNyaeahhaha, so, we meet at last, REFURBO, this pussy has sharpened his claws and is ready for action, NYAhaha…wait..that sounds weird..
To be furthered
SOUNDTRACK AVAILABLE FROM EMI
You’re Addicted to Ferbs
You’re Once, Twice, Three times a Furbisher
She’s Got That Farb
Something Got Me Refurbishing
And many others..about two
REFURBO WILL RETURN IN
FOR YOUR FURBS ONLY